seven scars

each one a secret

each one for you

their stories

whispered

on rose-quartz skin

hidden

from your eyes

time flies

i sink down

on the kitchen floor

crying

and suddenly

i’m back on that balcony,

cigarette turning to ash

between my fingers,

my knuckles bloody,

and i think about throwing myself

off and down down onto the concrete

before he can

speak the words,

i know what’s coming

and i’d do anything to stop it

but i just sit there

for hours

with my pale naked limbs;

it’s freezing but it doesn't phase me,

i’m just empty,

like the white sky

the dead leaves

the cold metal beneath me,

nothing matters but the words

i just wait,

i sit and i wait

for him, waiting for him to speak

but we are both

motionless and mute,

the glass wall dividing us

but it might as well be an ocean

i sit still

and i wait

for hours

until i am a statue of myself,

cracked marble,

and then the door opens

and the flood comes.

a disappearance

the rain has been falling

inside my mind

without end

and it feels like

i’m drowning;

the taste of iron in my throat

and my lungs filling with water,

the noises are just

a murmur, transformed

into a whisper,

like the song of a sea shell

i can feel

everything

turning into a grainy blur,

fog clouding my vision,

i am sinking through a sea

of memories and feelings,

i feel like

i should fight

but my arms won’t move,

it’s like i’m paralyzed

but i feel uncommonly calm

floating in the darkness

maybe the currents are rushing me,

dragging me,

here and there and down down,

but i don’t notice;

my pale body

just a ghost in the great below,

there is no pain

i am safe

i am one.

a caged animal

wicked feverish creature

dancing

in your delirium,

rain pools in the canyons

between your bones,

white beneath your sickly skin.

your mouth tastes of blood

and of citrus,

shivers run through you,

rattling you,

I can feel them

in the air around you,

you're a feral feline in a cage,

raging sea

and growling wildly

in your agony.

the bruises on your skin

turn from purple

into red into yellow,

tiny nebulae,

cuts like little flowers,

a streak of scarlet from your nose,

you're constantly

waging wars on

yourself

but salvation never comes.

marisol (for cristina)

I want to be a rebel sun, raging sea, the marrow in your bones. Hair to my waist, scorched skin by indian sun, bracelets of leather and wood, this crystal hanging around my neck and green eyes like deep seas. The arctic wind has left me and now there’s only desert heat and endless sand underneath the soles of my boots. We walk hand in hand, two girls speaking in werewolf tongues, you and me together forever. Your olive skin and deep wooden eyes, like cat eyes in the dark, you are a flower blooming under the moon, sweet jasmine. We dance under wide skies, praying to nature; for air to let us soar, water to carry us safely, fire to keep our passion burning, and for the earth to keep us grounded and nurture us. I weave dreams into your long braided hair and smell the pomegranate in your veins, “birds of a feather”, you say and put a flower in my hair, and if there’s something in me then I know it’s in you, one mind, one heart, sisters bound by blood and by spirit, our soul exists in trees and in stars. Sea shells tell us where to go next, they whisper stories in our ears and we listen, we always listen. Places far away awaits us, we can hear the panflutes in the distance, calling us like wolves howling. There’s a constellation somewhere just for us.

I have a C-shaped scar on my hip and I like to think that it’s where you and I were conjoined, siamese twins in another lifetime.